NYPD Jew

New Blog

2006-07-14T22:05:00.000-04:00

I started a new blog. I thought a change was in order since I am no longer in NY or the NYPD.

The new name is The Heretical Jew, and is not anonymouse. I do not post about my divorce, but do post about my adorable kids.

I should be seeing them next month btw.

Hope to see you all there!

Kyle.W.

Failure!

2006-06-16T11:32:00.000-04:00

We have managed to raise children who feel sad when they see the funeral scene of Pricess Padme in Star Wars but dont care about genocide around the world. Man how we have failed!!

Bouro Park Riots

2006-04-05T12:34:00.000-04:00

No one disputes that he was driving while talking on a cell phone. Also, he refused to hand over his liscence and proof on insurance. In such a case it is procedure to make an arrest.

So what was this riot about? People upset about getting tickets? Its part of life in NYC...suck it up or move out!

Update

2005-12-24T01:07:00.001-05:00

Well all, it has been a long time since I have posted. It is not that I have not had for what to write about, but rather did not know where to start.

The divorce has begun in the court room. His honor has decided that I should not have left my prior job depsite my no longer being frum and therefore no longer qualified for the job. His honor thinks I should have kept it and fooled, or try to fool, everyone. That being said, my child support payments are being based on my prior income which is much less than any income I could make either in NY or here in ND.

I miss my children terribly, but now with the setting of the child support payments I could not afford to live in NY if I wanted to. The only thing I have left in NY that I want to go see are my children. My Maternal Grandmother passed away a couple of weeks ago, and we buried her on my mother's birthday. (Not planned that way) Therefore my last attachment to the state are my children. It is hard for I want to be there with them, but I know I can not.

Selfish?

2005-09-28T15:41:00.000-04:00

In the previous post a commentor who chose to be anonomous told me I should not be so selfish. I do not feel I have been selfish in the course of my marriage nor do I feel I am being selfish now. When one makes sacrifices in a marriage, both for your spouse and your children, one must draw the line at some point. I have drawn the line and the marriage ended. I need to look out for my future and the future of my children. I have not forgotten my children. I do not think I have said anything here that would indicate such. I will never forget my children and my obligation to care for them. However, I may not be in their lives in person on a daily bassis. It will be hard for ALL involved. Yet, they will know that I am there for them. I will allways be a phone call away from them. If needed I will alllways be a plane flight away from them. I will make sure that then allways know that I love them.

Do not take me for the type of Father that writes off his children and turns his back for I am not that type.

End Game

2005-09-26T11:21:00.000-04:00

Things went as scheduled on Thursday, and I gave my wife a Get as she requested of me. However, I did not expect her to serve me civil divorce papers in front of the Rav's home. The basis of the suit is "Cruel and Inhumane treatment" and "Constructive abandonment". Cruel and Inhuman treatment? I know we have had our times and have faught over things, but I would like to say that I have not treated her badly. This unilateral action of hers has brought me to the place where I have decided to end my marriage. I will be returning from my "get away" if you will not to my home with my kids but to my mother's apartment. I will have to turn on the utilities that have most likely been shut off. It did not have to go this way. It could have been more mutually agreeable and easier for the both of us.

I gave my ex-wife five hundred dollars for mother's helpers and baby sitters for the time I would be gone. I hope she is spending that money wisely. It does not seem that way if she is shleping them through grocery stores.

Back from "Vacation"

2005-09-16T18:36:00.000-04:00

I am back from my vacation of sorts. I have not posted for a long time. It was not for the lack of what to write about, but rather I have not really know where to start. I still am dealing with my grief over my Mother's death. A day does not go by where I do not think about calling her to tell her something.

My religious observance has suffered and I do not think that I am what you would call Frum anymore. This of course has had its toll on my marriage.

I will be going away for ten days to a location I have kept secret. I will spend that time thinking about what I want of my future. Amongst the issues will be whether I will be Frum anymore and whether I will be married anymore. My wife has requested that I issue her a Get before I leave so I will not actually be married as of next Thursday. If I decide that I want to be married and the end of the ten days then we will have a new Ketubah written. I do not think that will happen... but I have surprised myself before.

Tough times.

Thank you.

2005-07-25T21:07:00.000-04:00

I want that everyone for their supportive comments, and I want to respond to some.

"First, you should check the halachic minimum of Kaddish it's once a day after an alaynu...it sounds like your divorced or widowed because you have to take care of the kids in the morning???" - JSirpicco

I will look into the issue of the halachic minimum for Kaddish with a local Rav. It would give me some confort to know that I am doing the best that I can do. In regards to your second comment I am not sure where you got the impression that I am divorced or that I am taking care of children in the am. My reason for not being able to go to a minyan in the morning is that my work requires that I show up at seven in the morning.

"I refuse to believe that there isn't someone out there who can fill in...you should go to the minyanim you can go to, find someone who will say kaddish - a Rabbi a friend...someone...why do you have no close contacts at all who are saying kaddish that you have to hire a random bochur????" - JSirpicco

I want to apologise if I made myself misunderstood. The issue for me from the beginning has not been that no one has been saying Kaddish for her three times a day. I have paid an organization to do that for me so that I can have the piece of mind that if I can not do it, then at least it is being done by someone else. This lead to feelings that I was not doing what I should be. It was not that it was not being fulfilled, but rather that I felt like a failure that I was not the one doing it. This is the reason I searched for a substitute for me in the morning.

"I refuse to believe that someone is "abandoned" by his friends. When people claim that, it means they don't' have any friends, and if they don't' have any friends...it means something is off with them"... - JSirpicco

You make a very poignant observation. True friends would have been there for me. I must say that I have always been a person with one "friend" at any given point of time. I also must say that it is probably debatable how true of a friend any of them have been. I am generally the person who always calls the other or initiates anything in the friendship. It is as if the friendship would end if I were to stop calling. Perhaps you are right. Perhaps it is not that my friends abandoned me in this time of need, but rather that I do not have friends. Regarding, you second part of the comment, I do not know if I can reflect on it. I often get vibes from people that I am off in some sort of way. At work for example I feel that I am treated like a piece of dung that leaves a bad smell where ever it goes. I can't really say for I am biased on the subject.

Thank you for your warm and helpful comments FerrellE. I am seeing a therapist, but thank you for the reference.

Z and Barefoot Jewess, you both always seem to come up with the most insightful comments. I want to thank you along with everyone else for your warm support. I understand what you mean that G-d is the only one left to rely on. I am just not holding there at the moment. I can not get past my anger for him taking my mother, and placing both my Brother and Grandma through suffering. I suppose that at some point in time I can come to see him as my support, but not now.

Long time no post.

2005-07-18T20:24:00.000-04:00

I am sorry that I have not been around lately. I have had on my plate to deal with. It is ironic that in such a time that I should be writing more and getting things off my chest I fall silent.

Well the following is a recap of the last months.I have not found a sub for the morning shift. Thank you BarefootJewess and Z for your regards in the last post.

It has become to seem that the only person that truly cared about me saying kadish at all the minyanim was me. (I know that is not true) So, I am no longer so interested myself in doing so. I say kadish on Shabbos at all the minyanim. During the week I have given up. I do not have the strength to go forward. Call me weak if you like... you may be right. Am I "Frieing" out? I do not know the answer to that question, but I do know that the events of late beginning with the sickness and death of my mother has weakened my observance greatly.

Since my mother's death, I have been trying to fill a void that seems to expand as I fight to fill it. About a month ago, my brother suffered what was thought to be a heart attack. It turned out being bad agina, but upon examination it was determined that he needed a quad bi pass at the age of 44. Thank G-d his problem was found when it was, or perhaps the results would have been worse. None the less, the stress of facing the possibility of losing another member of the family only added to the pain of my loss. Then my Grandma, my mother's mother, was brought to the hospital. She needs a valve replacement, but to do so would involve open heart surgery and at the age of 92 it is not viable. The alternative is angioplasty. However, my Grandma has been extremely depressed since the death of my mother. She wishes it was her that passed on and not her daughter. She has chosen not to take any measures to correct her problem and because of this her Compensated Congestive Heart Failure will develop into decompensated CHF. The doctor told me that she has at best a year unless we convince her to undergo the procedure.

It is interesting that when I visited my mother in the hospital I used to see the image of my Grandmother. When I visited my Grandmother in the hospital, I saw the image of my mother. I was never so close to crying as I was then.What does G-d want from me?

What more does he want to take from my life?

Happy Memorial Day weekend.

2005-05-27T17:55:00.000-04:00

Everyone should have a great three day weekend! We are spending ours in as my wife just had orthascopic knee surgery today. She is ok, but not very mobile. I set up the reclining chair by the Shabbos table for her.

The search for the am sub is not going well, but I plug on.

Have a good Shabbos all!!

I don't need no stinking title

2005-05-22T20:57:00.000-04:00

Going back to work on Friday was not good. Not being able to daven with a minyan and say Kaddish brought me back to the feelings that I had before. I have to convice myself that I did my best and that for some reason it is not meant to be that I daven Schachris with a minyan. Why G-d is placing so many obstacles before me in regards to this I do not know. None the less, I will keep on trying and perhaps I will find some one who will be willing to work from seven to nine in the morning after all.
On a brighter side, I spent the day with my daughters on Thursday. My older daughter is going through a "I want tatty" phase. In fact she is holding my arm jumping up and down screaming "I want to color with you". I will return.
I am back now. Spent time on the floor coloring with my big girl. Somehow, ever since Purim all she wants to color are Hamentashen. "Draw a big Hamentashen Tatty." or "Draw a small Hamentashen" or "Draw a Mommy Hamentashen". I am still not sure what that last one means.
This new desire for closeness with her Tatty has both be warm and adorable and exhausting. I now know what her Mom was going through when she was in the "I want Mommy phase", which she still does exhibit from time to time.
This Shabbos afternoon a thunderstorm rolled in, and the thunder scared her out of her wits. Her fear sent her leaping onto my lap like a cat and curled up in a fetus position. A few moments of singing to her calmed her down but she was not leaving the lap. In a way it is a good feeling to be needed.

Burnt to the crisp.

2005-05-19T20:55:00.000-04:00

I know I have not published in quite a long time. When not dealing with work, my family, or learning, I have been dealing with the absence of my mother.

This last Rosh Chodesh, my younger daughter turned one year old. It was particularly hard not to have my mom at the party. Lately both my kids have been doing new things that send me to the phone to tell my mom about, but every time I catch myself with a deep, sad sigh. I get some consolation from the thought that she is watching all of us from olam habah. Yet, that consolation does not wash away the pain.

I originally had paid a service to say Kaddish for my mother every morning while I would say Kaddish for her at mincha and maariv. I am finding it very difficult to gather the strength together to go out for maariv minyanim. Also, I have found it difficult to deal with my not being able to go to shachris due to my work schedule. The majority of the Kaddashim for the day are said during shachris. Even if I do not say it at Maariv which some hold to be an optional prayer, how could I pawn my obligation for Shachris of to someone else. It has been hard.

Just the other day I did something about it. I hired a buchor to work for me from seven in the morning until nine. I would go to minyan at seven and report to work at nine. As it was I was paying him what I gross an hour. I would pay the tax on the money and pay him cash off the books. He agreed and for the last three days I have been davening shachris and saying Kaddish as I should. I began to feel more fulfilled. I should have done this from the start.

Then the buchor told me that the amount I was paying him was not enough. He asked for five more dollars an hour which would come out of my pocket from the hours I work. I would be paying him more than I get paid. I told him that I could not afford to pay him what he wanted as I already was paying him close to a quarter of my weekly check. So tomorrow I go back to work at my regular time, and to add to it , work wants me in a half our early for a breakfast event.

Sigh.

Burnt.

Avi Avos d'tumah.

2005-04-03T16:38:00.000-04:00

All eyes are focused on Rome as the world awaits the announcement of the successor to, as the previous Lubavitcher Rebbe once called him, the Avi Avos d'tumah. People are speculating as to what the successor will be like. Will he be left of center or right of center? In the end it will all be the same; tumah.

The religions very conception was from tumah. Interesting to note that they view human conception as an act through sin or tumah. Through out history the very actions of the leaders of that religion belied its origin. The Crusades, the Spanish inquisition, and the treatment of natives in South America are just some examples of the cruelty know of this religion. The very "man" that people are now mourning for has held holy vessels from the Bais Hamikdash captive in Rome refusing to release them to their rightful owners.

The scion of their religion is at a low point. It is prophesied that when the King of Esau falls then Moshiach will come. May this prophecy come true speedily today, and may we all unite in Yerushalayim with Moshiach tzidkainu to establish the Third and eternal Bais Hamikdash. Then we will observe the service of the Korbonos as spoken of in our last sedra. Moshe, Aaron, and the sons of Aaron will rejoin us and they and all the tzadikim in our generations will finalise the creation of the world by making the world a dwelling place for Hashem.

May this come today.

Derech Eretz

2005-04-03T14:38:00.000-04:00

I just came back from a performance on Uncle Moishe with my kids. Both of my kids enjoyed it. The younger one passed out about three quarters into the show and slept the rest of the time in my arms. My older one loved Uncle Moishe, but was a little afraid of the clown Cousin Nachum. Clowns and my daughter do not mix well. She was not screaming, but we was not as jovial as with her favorite Uncle.

The disappointing part of the performance was the behavior of the parents. The school that was hosting the concert had arranged two columns of chars, one for the men and one for the women. In the middle was a large space for the children to sit so that every child could see the stage. Despite the school good intentions, the parents took the chairs and arranged them as they saw fit. In other words, they arranged them the way their children would see the best. How can we expect our children to listen to their Morot and Rebeim if we the parents do not listen to them? Our children emulate us, and when we act without derech eretz they learn to act the same way.

Kinderlach

2005-03-31T19:03:00.000-05:00

My wife showed me a link on Dovbear which at first struck me as a scary cross between New Kids on the Block and Miami Boys Choir, but after viewing it for a while I actually began to like it in a way. It is innovative and somewhat cute. I just hope they do not create a gaggle of screaming girlies where ever they go. It just seems so anithetical to a yiddishe performer or group.

Sooo behind

2005-03-27T23:19:00.000-05:00

I am so behind on my Daf Yomi. At this point I am almost a week behind. The problem is that I am dependent on listening to English shiurim. If I can listen to them on the way to work and the way back from work I can keep up. However, I have not been able to find downloads in formats that my Mini disk player supports. Grrr. So what I am going to do is buy a 20 meg Ipod from Shaspod.com that is preloaded with the entire seven year daf yomi cycle with seven megs free for what ever I want to put on it. I also could probably upload it onto my computer and download what I need thus leaving me more free space on the Ipod, but how much more space can one person really need for music? I should think that seven megs is enough. No? So that is my plan. I will probably order it tomorrow or Tuesday when I get my next paycheck.
I am also trying to get my davening/learning schedule fixed. I can't seem to find a minyan for schachris that I can go to regularly, or at all for that matter. There is one near my work at a quarter to eight, but it is so rare that I can truly break away from work at that time. Well, perhaps I could, but it would cause problems at work as deliveries often come around that time. Checking deliveries is one of the few responsibilities at my job, and to place them in someone else's hands seems to me to be neglecting my duty. If I do not do the few things I am there to do, then why be there? It's not easy. For Minchah I have been attending a minyan in my building that is nusach sefardi. Since I have not been able to train my tongue to say the extra words they have in their nusach. I have been saying kadish in my nusach in an undertone. It does not feel the same. Saying it in an undertone feels like I am not really doing it. I think I will try to go to the other minyan's michah. It is out of the building, but they daven the same nusach and I think I will get more from it.
This Purim I got a picture of my Rebbe. However, since it was taken on a camera phone the resolution was horrible and I could not print it. Grrr. Next time I will use a real camera. Of course, I could just ask his son, who is my Mashpia, for a picture of him.... but that would be to easy.... make too much sense.

Daf Yomi

2005-03-19T21:03:00.000-05:00

Rabbi Moshe Elefant of the OU is giving a Daf Yomi shiur that is available for review on the OU website. Go to OU.org to check it out.

I, not being a person who can learn a daf by myself, am following the shiur to complete the seven year cycle, G-d willing.

I was thinking of starting of chevrah of bloggers to do daf yomi. At the end of the cycle we would gather someplace and make a siyum. Anyone interested?

It is not too late to start daf yomi. With a little extra work you should catch up in no time.

Delinquent

2005-03-19T20:45:00.000-05:00

I am sorry that I have not posted for quite a long time. A combination of being busy, and lazy have contributed to my not posting. Baruch Hashem, I have had alot of extra work. Although, that means that I don't see the family as often, I appreaciate the times I do have with them more. (Usually Shabbos.) Though last week I had to stay in the city for Shabbos after working a couple of late nights.

Bad case of Pneumonia or worse?

2005-03-13T14:09:00.000-05:00

A co-worker of mine claimed that a fried of her daughter has a brother who came down with a sever case of pneumonia with a rapid onset. The notable part of his case is that it has spread to his blood and is now a systemic blood infection. He is being treated with the strongest antibiotics, but is currently in a coma and it does not look good for his chances.

The thing that concerns me is that, reportedly, he was in good health. The doctors claim that his being as young as he is gives him a chance of survival. Now these statements lead me to conclude that he had no condition that compromised his immune system. This coupled with the rapid onset spreading to a systemic blood infection makes me wonder if they are dealing with something more dangerous than what they think. With word of this bird flu popping up globally, news of a pneumonia acting like a virulent super bacteria is quite alarming. I hope the CDC was called about this.

Unfortunately, I have not direct contact with the people involved and I can only encourage my co-worker to inquire for me.

Has anyone heard of such a case where pneumonia developed so rapidly into a blood infection? Please post a comment with links of case studies if you have any.

Behind on posting.

2005-03-13T13:51:00.000-05:00

It has been a while since I posted last. The last week or two have been very busy, B"H, at work and I have had little time to do other things. I barely manage to do my daf yomi every day let alone posting on my blog. I do my daf yomi online at OU.org. Check it out. It is an excellent shiur given by Rabbi Moshe Elefant. I highly recommend it.

On another topic, both daughters have a viral thing going. The older is not running as high a fever as the younger one. For now its tylenol and motrin to keep it down.

Rabbi Avraham Gershon of Kitov z't'l

2005-03-06T17:14:00.000-05:00

Today is the yartzheit of Rabbi Avraham Gershon of Kitov who was the brother-in-law of the Baal Shem Tov z't'l.

Click to see this link that includes a famous letter from the Besht to Rav Avraham,

2005-03-06T16:42:00.000-05:00

לֹא-תְבַעֲרוּ אֵשׁ, בְּכֹל מֹשְׁבֹתֵיכֶם, בְּיוֹם, הַשַּׁבָּת. פ}

The Chozer of Lublin taiches this pasuk as one should not ignite the flames of maklokes in their shuls (places of congregation) on Shabbos.

So important is the mitzvos of guarding ones tongue. It says in tehilim : Who is the one who loves life.... one who guards his tounge from evil and does good. Even if one knows a bad report about another person, if speaking of it serves no consctuctive purpose it brings great bad on the speaker and the listener. Even if the purpose of the speaking is a constructive one, the speaker must still take caution in speaking of it in excess. One also should always seek to judge in the side of merrit or look for the virtue in any situation while reporting some bad news to another person.

Loshon Harah is the root of all the division in klal yisroel and is holding back the era of Moshiach.

Congrats to AidelMaidel!!

2005-03-06T01:31:00.001-05:00

A fellow blogger that I am sure you already know of by the name Aidelmaidel found her way into the pages of this Saturday's NY Times. Check out the article.
It is good to see that at least one of us get some exposure. Hopefully, we will get some residual hits from her 15 minutes of fame.

Hitch

2005-03-06T01:30:00.000-05:00

The wife and I went out and saw Hitch tonight. This has got to be Will Smith's funniest movie yet! Go see it!

Privacy over compassion?

2005-03-02T21:47:00.000-05:00

I just do not understand people. Their actions and their thoughts are inconsistent. They lie often and act falsely. They portend to be a friend and an ally, yet in truth they could not care a bit about you or worse. I have been forced to deal with this at work recently. A few people who I tried earnestly to help with their job turned on me and accused me of bossing them around. I got reprimanded for it, albeit it in a soft way, but none the less reprimanded.
My greatest weakness is that I care. If I see something that is out of sorts, I say something. If I see someone who is about to make a mistake, or is doing something incorrectly I say something. I would do it no sooner if I saw a blind person walking in the direction of a cliff. This incabability to turn a blind eye constantly gets me in trouble. I know some are thinking that I merely can not stay out of other people's business, and I should learn to mind my own. I am sorry, I am not wired that way. If I am walking down the street and overhear a pair of strangers confused about their location I stop to give them directions. The same would apply to a more personal issue. If I had constructive advice about something I over hear, then I would offer advice. I don't buy into these fences we build around eachother. If I went through an experience and I over hear someone else going through the same or a similar experience why should I keep the potential remedy to myself? Is that not selfish? Are we really meant to watch our own daled amos and turn a blind eye to our neighbor whether at work or at home?

Mother's house.....

2005-02-23T17:05:00.000-05:00

My brother and I, and our wives, went through the papers in my mother's house. It is amazing how much stuff my mother collected!! She had report cards from her high school and elementary in the 1950's. She had correspondeces to amd from me when I went to camp. She had cancelled checks from as early as 1969.

I hope that I do not leave as much stuff for my kids to go through.

Sinus infection gone but.............

2005-02-23T16:39:00.000-05:00

The sinus infection went away the day after the last post. However now I have what may be a case of pink eye. I am going to the doctor to see what it is exactly. This morning I found my eye closed shut with mucus. Yummy.

Ugh

2005-02-16T21:44:00.000-05:00

I seem to be catching my wife's raging sinus infection. I can feel the pressure building above my eyes, and the latter part of the day I had a blah feeling.

It does not help the situation that now I have to show up to work ten minutes earlier that I usually would have to. Per my job I need to show up to work and have all the ovens/stoves in the kitchen on by Seven sharp. Now they want them on ten before seven so that they are hot by seven. Normally I would not have any problem with this, but I need to take a train more than twenty minutes earlier than my regular train in order to do this.

I got into work on Monday, the first day that I had to show up earlier, and the Chef that complained the most about not having his oven hot and ready was not in uniform and at his station until ten after the hour. I put in the effort to be early and he was late. Grrrrrrr.

It is like they don't comprehend that behind the job description there is a human being. I had a perfect schedule. I got a train at around six ten. I would chat with an elderly friend of mine until he would get off at bouro hall. I would then sit in his seat and read or listen to music until Grand Central. Now I am in a train just as packed without a seat, and my friend I do not know how to reach for we only spoke on the train. All this I have to do so this dam Chef can start working ten minutes earlier.... as if there are not other things he could do to prepare that do not involve the oven.

Sorry that last sentence was poorly constructed, but then I'm sick so I have an excuse.

Avodah Kasheh.

2005-02-14T17:30:00.000-05:00

As I have posted before, saying Kaddish is a very hard thing to do. It is hard both on a spiritual level but also for some on a physical level. One who is not so familiar with the aramaic, or someone who is not a public speaker can find saying Kaddish or in general davening by the omed very hard. It does not help the situation when the minyan in which that person is davening heckles and berates him for the pace or quality of his davening. I faced this just yesterday in the neighborhood's main shul. There was one fellow who even had the nerve to intentionally say amen in the middle of my brochot during chazarah haShatz as if to say that I was not going fast enough for him. After the last Kaddish I saw that the minyan had abandoned me. I am not sure I had a minyan for that last Kaddish, r'l.
To think that these people who held so dear the Rebbe of that shul, who himself embraced all Yiddin no matter what their background, should treat a Yid in such a cold and inconsiderate way is disturbing.
How the Rebbe must be suffering looking on his talmidim and the low way they behave.
Hashem should help this generation who so lacks the basics in deretz eretz.

Egg-celent Hashgocha Protis

2005-02-10T22:37:00.000-05:00

The other day I had made egg salad for myself at work. One of my co-workers had asked if she could have some and I said yes. While delivering her half of the egg salad, another co-worker decided to take the other half. At the time I was quite upset. However, today I was making myself another portion of egg salad and something occurred to me while I was checking the hard boiled eggs for blood spots. I could not recall doing so when I made the egg salad the other day, and I think I just mashed the eggs without checking them. Probably I was not meant to eat the egg salad for one or more of the eggs had blood.

Depressed.

2005-02-09T21:48:00.000-05:00

Lately, I have been slipping in and out of depression. I have noticed that I am more depressed latter in the day as I am rarely hungry for dinner or interested in cooking it of late. This is a note worthy change in my behavior since I love to eat and more so to cook.
I have been taking to heart people's foolish comments of late. Intellectually, I know that they are not worth paying attention to, but none the less I let them get under my skin. I keep getting this odd thought in my mind. I think of what it would be like if I were not around. That is, of course, from the perspective of others. I envision a small gathering and my grave side consisting of relatives, and sparse friends. That is my depression talking. This too will pass.

Shul

2005-02-07T22:51:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, I decided to bring my two and a half year old daughter to shul with me for Mincha/Maariv. We went to a little shteibel a couple blocks down from me. A good one third of the regulars there are alter chasidim. Normally you see them quite stern, and somber. I was so surprised to see how they warmed up to my little girl. Each and every one of them became her zaide for the two hours we were there. She even got bossy with a couple telling them to sit down and read her a story. She was bossy in a gentle, and cute way, but bossy none the less. Of course the book she had in hand was a siddur, but for her every book is a story book and the nearest adult is chayev to read it to her. Naturally she left no inch of the shul un-explored. At one time she decided to take a plotz and lad face up on the platform where the ark is. I told her it was not respectful to do that. It was hard to be stern with her about it when she was being so dam cute about it.

The regular ovel being away for the weekend, I davened both Mincha and Maariv by the omed. At Mincha, when I took my three steps forward to daven Shemoneh Esreh, my daughter did her best impression of cling wrap on my leg and began to whiiiiiiiiiiiine that she wanted to go "bye bye" and home. What was I to do? I held her close and assured her we would go soon, but that tatty had to daven right now. Baruch Hashem, she chose to stop whining and resume her search of the shul, and flirting with the zaides.

Between Minchah and Maariv I saw her playing with a book in her lap. I went over to her and told her that if she wanted to look at a book she had to do so with it on the table. I told her that if we did not we might drop the book and give it a boo boo. So she put the book on the table and began to flip the pages. What book did she have? None other than a Sefer Tanya. My young Kabalist, then blurted "B'sof perek gimmel d'niday" which is the first four words of the sefer. All the heads at the table whipped around and fixed on my daughter. She did not know exactly what she did but she suddenly had everyone's attention. That's my daughter.

Shortly after that I got up to daven Maariv. apparently, someone had decided to give my daughter not one but two lollipops. I have no problem with that, but she ran up to me and started to shout "open it" "open it" as she thrusted the lollipop towards me. Her timing being as impeccable as it is, she did this right as I took my three steps forward to daven Shemona Esrei. Sigh. I took the lolly and began to hastily open it. Of course the difficulty for any task is proportionate to how quickly you want to do it. None the less I got it unwrapped and my daughter went merrily off with the lolly and I davened.

Times like these make you love being a parent.

Pro Football Hall of Fame

2005-02-06T23:04:00.000-05:00

Benny Friedman was inducted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame. Benny "was the NFL’s first great passer. His first four seasons were legendary as he threw an NFL record 11 touchdowns as a rookie with the Cleveland Bulldogs in 1927, and set another record in 1929 with 20 TD passes as the quarterback of the New York Giants." (Pro Football Hall of Fame Official Website) http://www.profootballhof.com/enshrinement/release.jsp?release_id=1390

He also was my Grandmother's second cousin!!

No more waffle butt!!

2005-01-30T14:08:00.000-05:00

This morning I had a shachris minyan by my house. It started out with two less than a minyan, and ended up with four more than we needed. Baruch Hashem. Baruch Hashem, they were very patient with my slower davening. Not that I am such a erlicher yid, but rather that I am not so proficient at the hebrew. Particularly, I am not so proficient at saying the words out loud. My stumbling is partially a public speaking thing. Cheers to the minyan for being so understanding. Also for tolerating my nusach which is slightly different from theirs. Again cheers!!

Now that I am up, I am able to set on a REAL chair. Ergo the title of this blog. No more leg falling asleep during a post either.

I want to thank everyone for their sympathies and support during the last week. I means a lot to me and I am sure it does to my mother as well. I hope to relate some stories regarding my mother in future posts. She was a erlicher woman, even though not frum. She always had a aidel appearance no matter what she was going through at the time. She held herself in a dignified way always.

Hamakom yinachem kol avalim b'bnai yisroel b'yerushamayim im Moshiach tzidkeinu.

Waffle butt

2005-01-30T01:31:00.000-05:00

This is a particularly interesting phenomenon in availus. It occurs when one uses a milk crate to sit on during shiva. Personally, I have been using one at my computer as I write my blog posts. So, if anyone has emailed me and not gotten a response yet please be patient. Soon I will be back to the relatavely comfortable folding chair and will have the time to respond to my emails. For now I post and get off the milk crate lest i get a bad case of waffle butt.

Kadish

2005-01-29T23:18:00.000-05:00

I would say that the hardest part of availus is saying kadish. Just saying the prayer brings back memories of my mother. I swell up with emotion as the words part my lips.Even harder is having to try to keep up with a speed reader as I try to manage my emotions, and balance the words on my tongue. I understand how one can come to read so quickly. One who has lived with the prayer for so many years can rattle it off without thinking. Yet, those of us for who the prayer does not come so readily to the tongue must put a little more effort in it. I can not say it that fast, and I am not sure I would want to say it that fast. What justice would it be doing to my mother, or to the holy words by rattling it off. Is kevanah not important? It is a very hard thing. I remember not long ago when my wife's grandfather was niftar. I took it upon myself to say kadish for him as there was no one else to do so. I lasted a couple of weeks then I had to pay someone to do it. It was just too hard for me to say kadish emotionally, but dealing with the speed readers and their seeming insensitivity to my saying kadish was worse. It seems that I am in for the same. This time I will stick through it even if it the last thing I do.

Finally, some good news....

2005-01-29T23:06:00.000-05:00

In fairness, I must report that the local community has finally awoken to my availus, and has begun to come to my home to be menachem avel. Even the one who waa davening Kadish at a thousand words a minute came to be menachem avel. It is good thing for him there is no such thing a speeding tickets during davening. More people came to be menachem avel tonight than the entire three days I sat in my community. Also, there is plans for a minyan in my house tomorow morning. It's at nine o'clock if anyone wants to come. As they say better late then never. Though someone told me that he overheard a group in shul speaking about my availus and how they did not know about it. This would be plausible if it were not for the signs my wife placed on our block or the posting my wife made on the communities prominent website. None the less, I suppose that I should be judging on the side of merit and assume that they did not know.
Hashem yisbaruch should send Moshiach already and we should never know the tsat of availus.

To my Wife.

2005-01-28T14:27:00.000-05:00

To my Wife, who has been my biggest supporter and comforter during this time of pain and sorrow, I give thanks. Without her I do not know if I could have made it through this week. She has been there for me, and our children unconditionally despite her having to put in a days work at her job.

To my Wife, I love you!!

Shabbos is coming!

2005-01-28T14:23:00.000-05:00

Shabbos is almost here. Which means I will have to temporarily get up, and resume shiva on Sunday. I remember my when my father sat for my grandfather. With all the food that was send to us, I remember us having food for a month.

Alas, I am cooking Shnitsel for Shabbos as no one sent food to us.

A ger.

2005-01-27T16:40:00.000-05:00

I have learned over the years exactly why the word ger is translated into English as stranger. Unfortunately, it is because there are few exceptional communities that do not treat the ger in the midst as a stranger. The way that a ger is made felt unwelcome and excluded from certain practices in yiddishkeit is done in cold manner without feeling for the ger in question. This is why the Torah admonishes us several times in the Torah to not suppress the ger, and to treat him or her kindly. Hashem looks at us carefully and scrutinises how we treat the ger, the widow, and the orphan.
Yesterday, I was made aware of one geress in my community that I am familiar with that went through a horrid experience when her father obm passed away. She was born of a Jewish father and non-Jewish mother. Latter in her life circumstances had it that she converted. I am not aware of the circumstances that led to her conversion. When came the time when her father obm passed on, she asked a "Rav" in our community as to what she should do. This "Rav" told her that she could not sit shivah at all. How can you take away they customary way of mourning from a person a grieved as she was? For those who do not know,. shivah is the time when we sit for seven days either at the deceased home or the mourners home and people come and pay respects and comfort the mourner. Food is provided for the mourner so they do not have to tend to their own needs. How can a "Rav" take away this kind of support network for a grieved person? It is as if the "Rav" said just suck it up and move on with your life.
My situation, thank G-d, is not nearly as bad. I am a ger. As much as I know that strictly according to hallacha my mother is not my mother. G-d forbid. I was born of non-Jewish parents and adopted by Jewish parents at birth. I was raised by this beautifully Jewish family as their very own. My brother being eleven years older, I was raised as an only child for most of my life. I received allot of love and attention that many adopted children, unfortunately, do not get.
The first insult I received from a Rabbi was when I was leaving yeshiva in Israel and was talking for the last time to my mashpia there. He asked me about my family and where they lived etc. Upon learning that my parents were divorced and that I was planning to move into my mother's apartment he told me I could not. I responded with shock. He then told me that I could not for my mother was permissible to me. I then responded with disgust. I don't think I have to tell you why I was disgusted. At the time I was a little more of the programmable type and I did my best at making other arrangements. When that failed I was able to secure a heter from a Rabbi in my mother's neighborhood. Latter, I had moved out a couple of times to live elsewhere. but that was more for reasons of wanting my own place than hallacha.
Now, after my mother's p'teirah I face a new insult. In my mother's neighborhood I was greeted with warm sympathies and support. I was offered a minyan at my home. I declined because I felt it would be a strain on the community far greater than needed. In short, I did not want them to go that far out of their way for me. I was also offered the chance to daven by the omed. It was the local Rav who offered the opportunity and I declined it for he just go up from shivah for his father obm. It was more proper that he daven from the omed than I.
My home community has not greeted me at all. In the last two days that I have sat shivah in my apartment, I have received TWO people being menachem ovel. One of those two people came from Rockland County and is not a part of my local community. I also tried to arrange a minayan at my house. I was told that it would be assur to bring a Torah to my house for Thursday shachris for I was not an ovel al pi hallacha. I also contacted two people to try to arrange minyanim for me to daven here and got non-committal responses and, shocker, no minyan has come to my home. Is this how you treat a fellow Jew during the saddest times of his life? Why do I deserve to be ignored? Do I not deserve to mourn with the same comfort and support that any Jew would get in this community?
No one should know the pain and insult I have endured.

Hespid

2005-01-23T21:30:00.000-05:00

This is the Hespid that I will be giving over at my mother's levayah.

When I close my eyes and think of my mother, I do not see the image of her at Calvary Hospital, but rather that of her in the red dress she wore at my brother’s Bar Mitzvah. Why this image and not say how she was at my Bar Mitzvah? She always said that she wanted to fit in that dress and held it as a standard with which she measured herself. More so than just in the aspect of physically fitting in the dress, but fitting back into whom she was at the time - healthy and vibrant.

The mother I remember was a strong woman. She was strong even during her times of weakness. Even when she lacked the strength for herself she had a thousand fold for her children. I remember the mother that endured my several attempts at college without once giving up hope that I would pull it together and succeed. I saw that in her once again when I told her that I was going back to school to get my Physician Assistant degree. Even at that time when she was so weak from her illness she pulled it together to impart to me strength and encouragement. That is strength.

I remember her spontaneity. I remember the trip to San Francisco, or the several times we could venture into the city. We would, as she put it, serendipity. Our ventures wherever we went would lack plan or structure, and we would go out and find what we would find. It gave trips a sense of adventure that I think characterized her life.
Who, when thinking of my mother, could not recall the lavish parties she would throw for any occasion? Whether it was a birthday party, a reunion, a new years party, or just Thanksgiving, she put her entire self into it. Not that she was easy to get along with during the times of preparation for these events, but everyone made peace in the end. Perhaps for no other reason but that if she did not we would not help her clean up. She was a perfectionist when it came to her passion to host guests. Those of whom have worked with chefs know that we you meet a combination of passion and perfectionism you stand clear. Perhaps not a chef but nonetheless she was passionate and a perfectionist. Interesting enough to note is that she was not one to impose that on me. She always did her best to encourage me to do better, but never pushed me too hard by holding me to a perfectionist ideal. Because of this, she managed to instill in me a desire to achieve perfection tempered with a sense of when to say enough.

My mother, perhaps above all, was a listener. She was one that taught me that relationships are the most important thing in life, and the way to foster them is through listening. In her relationships she was one who always gave of her self. She was always there for people to lend a hand or to just listen. The aspect of my personality that my wife and others have coined my “Rescue mentality” came from her. Of course as a teenager that came across as an intrusion, but teenagers as they are don’t know what is really good for them. As adults we hope to learn that good, so that we can repay it. Too often we don’t learn to appreciate it until it is gone.I came to this realization after we learned that her p’tirah was near. I could have been a better son. I could have supported her more after her injury at work, and during her treatment for her illness. It was those last weeks that I tried to make up for that time. Yet part of me cannot help to feel that all those visits to the hospitals did but only partial reparation. In Hebrew we do not say that one passed away, yet we say that they are patur or exempt from the Mitzvos. We say that for truly the soul does not depart from the world. In fact the soul's presence is in the world and the effect it has on it is greater after it is patur min hamitzvos. I know in my heart that she is hearing every word that we are saying today. My mother told me that she was writing the last chapter of her life in those last weeks. Well the last chapter may have been written, but the epilogue is yet to be penned. May she ever be a presence in our lives an

Snowed out

2005-01-22T19:28:00.000-05:00

As frustrating as it was that my brother was unable to make arrangements to have to Levayah on Friday, k'din, this is even more frustrating and aggravating. Now the Levayah will be postponed until Monday due to the weather. Sigh. I am torn between going along with my brother and delaying it until Monday or pushing him to do it tomorrow as planned. If we did it tomorrow it would be him and I and maybe three or four relatives. Do I risk the chance of making an issue in our Shalom Bayis for the sake of my mother? I know not what to do except cry.

A day of sadness.

2005-01-20T21:07:00.000-05:00

Over that last couple of days I have been planning a post that in the events of the day have changed drastically,.In the past week my mother's condition has worsened considerably. Her level of pain has gone up, and consequently the level of pain medication that she has been taken has gone up. As much as I know that this is making her more comfortable and is easing her pain it still makes it very hard as communicating with her becomes more and more difficult. She has been often asleep and during her waking moments she has been confused and disoriented at best. I was with her on Monday and she slept during the entire visit. I was told by a nurse that some friends of her visited earlier that day, but when I asked her about it on Tuesday she did not remember the visit at all. It has been hard. There were so many things that I wanted to talk to her about, memories that I wanted to share with her, and more times that I wanted to say "I love you".My wife and I were also considering the logistics of having her move into the house. We have a spare bedroom that she could have moved into. The only obstacles ere the insurance covering full time nursing care, and the rental of a bed and IV pump. We also were considering how it would affect the house, and our marriage and if we could handle it.This morning, shortly after seven in the morning, I received a phone call at work. It was on the work phone as I had drooped my cell phone in the toilet the day prior. It was my wife with news that my mother had passed away earlier in the morning. Despite my preparation and knowledge that it was coming, I was shocked. All day long I have been going from a state of shock to one of near tears. I, unfortunately, do not cry easily. This is not something that makes you strong as society would have your believe, but rather something that makes you weak; attacking you from inside. Part of me regrets not visiting her on Wednesday night as I had considered but did not in the end for I was tired. All of me wants her here to finish what we set out to do. As she put it we were writing the last chapter of her life and of our relationship as mother and son. So much more was there to write.Now I need to write her Eulogy. After this I will never consider my writing assignments in composition hard for no assignment can be as hard as this one. Wish me luck.

Sinus Explosion

2005-01-13T17:26:00.000-05:00

Its official!! The cold cought up to me in the form of a blazing sinus ingection. Late Tuesday afternoon it was so bad that if I coughed hard at all it felt like my eardrum would blow out my ear and splat onto the wall. Needless to say I wasted no time and got an appointment with my Doctor. As usual he gave me an antibiotic; a horsepill of a drug called Augmentin. I took the first pill that night and by noon the next day, which was when I woke up, the pressure was down significantly. By this morining it was all but gone. Still I have some sniffles, but nothing compared to what I had tuesday. The big downer to this all is that I was not able to see my mother on Wednesday night as I had planned. I am trying to see her as often as possible for her moments of lucidity are dwindeling as her need for pain medication is increasing rapidly. It is hard to see her wither away before me.

Another difficulty that I am encountering lately is regarding money. I, and my brother, stand to inherit a sum of money when my mother passes; G-d forbid. Up untill recently I have fought off the thoughts of such inheritence as loathsome. As time passed and the reality of my mother's passing drew closer, I began to accept the thoughts of what we might inherit. As much as I tell myslef that practically I need to know what will be in regards to this, evey time I dwell on in I feel guilty and like a gold digger. I would take her for even just another year in exchange for all the money in the world.

So.....

2005-01-06T17:46:00.000-05:00

My Mom moved into Calvary hospital in the Bronx. Hopefully I will be able to transfer to their facility in Brooklyn as it is only a ten minute drive from my home. She is doing as well as can be expected. She is now eating some food after getting a Peg tube inserted. I had to think a second whether to type inserted or installed. Lol. She is not a computer so I chose inserted. Calvary, being a hospice step up facility is more forthwith with pain medication. They have her on 25 mg bolus Diulaudin with supplements per her request every hour. She is torn between taking more medication and feeling less pain and keeping her lucidity. She wants to live her last days not sleep them away in an opium stupor. Well, she fluctuates between that and wanting it to end quickly. Her greatest angst regards to transfereing facilities was that she did not die in the hospital. Not an easy time to say the least.
As for me I am getting a cold after battling the beginings of one for two weeks. My whole family has been sick for close to a month between colds and chicken pocs. It seems that my mazel of staying the healthy one is comming to a close. I will fight on and perhaps this cold won't progress past a sniffle and a cough here and there.

For those who can say a M'shibairach for my Mom her name is Charna Bas Yenta.

Thanks.

Back

2004-12-23T18:00:00.000-05:00

I am back after a long vacation from blogging. I am pleased to see that people still found my posts interesting enough to log onto my blog during my absence. A lot has happened during this time and will fuel a lot of writing in the months to come.

My Mother is very sick with Yona Machelah, and her prognosis is terminal. I have been spending a lot of time visiting her at the hospital of late. I am not sure if it more a pure desire that she not be alone or if it is a worry that she will pass away, G-d forbid, and I will forever nag myself for not visiting her that one last time. Whichever the reason, I am visiting her more frequently than I have during her previous hospital stays. She recently made me her Primary Care Provider which entitles me to make medical decisions in the event that she is unable to make them herself. At present she is not really able to make medical decisions. On a good day she is only really alert to person and place. Today was the first day that I found her cognizant of the time and day. It is very hard to deal with, as I am sure you can imagine, to face your Mother of 33 years whom you love very much with the knowledge that she is not going to be around for very long. I do see that the talks that we are having, both in person and on the phone, are helping both of us come to grips with her illness and its terrible implications. It is like we are writing the final chapter in our relationship. I hope we can make it a good one.

December is also a busy month at work with a lot of evening events to cover. Working two to three 12 hour shifts a week, and visiting my Mom at least once a week, and putting in hours in Auxiliary has me burning the candle at both ends. To prevent my burnout I have taken a leave of absence from Auxiliary which officially will last a year. However I may return earlier if. G-d forbid, my Mother passes away before that time. I hope to take the full year leave. As much as it was a wise decision to take the leave of absence it was a very hard one. Handing in my shield and ID was very difficult and on a certain level painful. I know it will be there when I return but I will miss it.

Well more to come!! For now I have class in ten minutes.

The Modern Left

2004-10-04T23:29:00.000-04:00

Normblog has a great post about the Modern Leftist movement and how a person can identify them self with the left. Check it out.

I was once a person who placed himself in the ranks of the far left. I was an active member of the Socialist Party USA and had contacts in the Communist Party USA, the Radical Communist Party (RCP), as well as sorted Anarchist groups.

My viewpoints have, in a way, matured and developed radically from when I was a teenager. I still hold to many of my ideals of youth, but my vision of how to obtain them has changed. Once I felt it was the Government’s place to feed, cloth, and shelter it’s population. Now I believe in the greater efficiency of the private sector. As much as I support welfare style programs, I support programs designed to make individuals self-sufficient. We as a species grew exponentially as we changed from nomads to an agrarian society. Art and Science were able to emerge as we spent less of our time devoted to basic survival. In order for us to evolve once again we must redevelop our way of living once more. The basic needs of life in our modern world should not be something we need to work for. Food, clothing, shelter, and education should be something accessible to the average citizen as freely as the air we breathe freeing us to spend our time on other pursuits. We have the ability, and the technology to achieve this. However the answer is not in Big Government. Rather it lies in each individual. In order for us as a species to act communally we must individually think communally. Entrepreneurship need not be thrown out. Business needs competition to fuel growth and ingenuity. However, this need not be in the providing of life’s essential needs. Apart from Education, the essentials of life can be afforded to each and every individual with out the need of competition and commercialism.

I was not much of an environmentalist in my youth. Today I firmly believe in the inclusion of environmental concerns in business decisions. What good is the bottom line if we have no future with which to utilize it? This is our home and we need to take care of it if we expect it to take care of us. It has provided us the resources with which we have built a society, and we our overdue in repaying our worlds “kindness”. I can foresee many a fellow blogger labeling me a “tree hugger”. My approach is not very idealistic and quite practical. Unless we take care of the environment it will take care of itself. Do not think that the dawn of a new Ice Age is far away. Nature always finds a way of correcting itself with or without the Human race.
The dynamics of the world have also changed. The Soviet Union is no longer the super power it once was. The focus of world events has shifted from that of the Cold War to the dynamics of the Arab world and it’s Indifada. Terrorism has become a common occurrence in this century at a rate unprecedented in previous centuries. The existence of terrorism is a horrific phenomenon that reminds us of our barbaric roots. The occurrence of the slaughter of innocent children by the hands of terrorism should horrify the average person, but we find ourselves slowly desensitized to its ugliness each and every time it occurs. The nature of warfare has also changed once again. The “smart” bomb has replaced the era of ground warfare and door-to-door fighting. Warfare has become “clean”. The Western world has become totally dependent on it’s technology. Who reading this can imagine living without electricity, gas, or running water? How we became crippled during the blackout over a year ago is testimony to our dependency. If our climate changed we would adapt quickly enough, and we would likely perish. Humanity stands on the brink of a new era, and the outcome is in our hands. How we fare the test of time is up to our generation. How I shudder when I think how apathetic our generation is. Will we walk blissfully into extinction?

Collateral damage.

2004-09-19T14:36:00.000-04:00

Check out this video coverage of a US Apache helicopter destroying a disabled Hum-V in Iraq. The video shows an Iraqi Newsman reporting on the incident with the Hum-V. Several Iraqi civilians are seen in the background surrounding the Hum-V as a missile slams into it. Many civilians including the reporter were killed.

IS THIS JUSTIFIED? What could have been in that Hum-V that was so important that it would have necessitated killing Iraqi civilians. It is one thing to attack a military target that poses a threat to US forces and cause collateral damage, but to destroy a disabled vehicle to avoid it being looted and kill civilians in the process is a crime. People need to pay for this crime. Write to your Congressman or Senator and make them aware of this heinous act. Find your Senator or Congressman. They need to know that we will not stand for war crimes no matter who commits them and where.

Willow Green for President!!

2004-09-12T21:24:00.000-04:00

Rachel Anne, author of the blog Willow Green (See her Sept. 12th post), wrote the following in regards to a question she posed to a fellow blogger. The question was "-you are elected president. What five things would you hope to accomplish before you left after your 2nd term?" The following is the answer she offered to the question. I added comments of my own in red.

1. Health care. I agree with Linda here. I think everyone should receive quality health care; both physical and psychological health. In addition everyone should be able to eat healthily, and have decent shelter. Yes this takes money; but these are basic obligations that I feel we owe each other. I also feel that healthier people are, for the most part, better able to contribute to the overall health of the nation. I would support funding into research to end, cure, prevent all the various diseases that plague our society, starting with Alzheimer's, ALS, MS, and genetic disorders. Health care is for sure an important issue that has to be tackled by the upcoming president. However, I am not sure what the best way of providing inexpensive or free health care to all Americans is. For a certainty the health care/insurance system needs a serious overhaul. I am more inclined to agree with a more streamline system involving private business possibly subsidised by the government. I do not think the right course of action would be a full fledged government run and sponsored health plan. Such a program would lead to corruption and inefficiency on a grander scale than we have today.

2. Abortion; I would like to see abortion become a dinosaur. I would not ban abortion but would heavily fund education and alternatives, including open adoption, permanent custody (where the parent always retains some rights, at minimum the right to visit the child) advances in health care and the like. I think you are on the mark when it comes to open adoptions, custody, and advances in health care. I would add increased education and counseling programs aimed at eliminating those situations where a person might not want to keep a unborn child to full term. The sticky subject is always the rape victim. How can you say to her that she has to carry her unborn child to full term when that unborn child represents the horror that she went through in the rape? I am not, in a general sense, for legal abortions. However, I can not help but have sympathy for a woman in such a situation. Yes, the unborn child did not ask to be in that situation, and I can see how some would say that the unborn child should take precedent over all others in that situation, but how can one ask a woman to bear such pain? We as men have no idea what it is like to carry a child. We certainly do not know what it would be like to, G-d forbid, carry an unborn child whom we resent and loathe and reminds us day after day of the personal violation that occurred to us. For every law there has to be exceptions.

3.Terrorism. I would work against terrorism in all forms throughout the world. Our armed forces should be well equipped with the best they can have. Well, this would be a nice position if it were so easy. Fighting and defeating Terrorism is going to take more than just a well trained and well equipped army. It is going to take a mindset of brutality that I do not think we are ready to face. (See my post entitled "Beslin, Daruf, Croatia, Albania, when will it stop and how can we stop it?")

4. Alternative energy; again I agree with Linda. My goals, would not only be to end dependence on foreign countries for their energy but make that energy affordable to all, less polluting and safer. This is probably one of the most difficult issue for any President given the strength of the Oil lobby, but cleaner and more affordable energy alternatives need to be found before the oil supply dries up and we have chaos on our hands. National Geographic has an excellent article in their July or August edition about the dwindling supply of oil and the dire repercussions that would be felt if we ran out without a viable alternative.

5. Environment; I would work to beautify America, to make environmentalism and economic security and growth compatible. Well, the fact of the matter is that environmentalism and economic security and growth are not only compatible but they are interdependent. On a simple level the environment is the backdrop in which our economic lives flourish. If the environment collapses due to our abuse of it what do we have left? We have nothing. So all the development for the sake of economic growth that are not at the least bit environmentally sound will eventually bite us in the proverbial ass!

Blog surfing

2004-09-11T22:36:00.000-04:00

It seems that lately I spend more time surfing my list of favorite blogs than I spend writing on my own blog. In fact I wrote more in other people's blogs than I have written in my own blog tonight. Well at least that is the case so far. Perhaps I will get inspired and get into a writing frenzy before sleep catches up with me. Only time will tell.

Pizza

2004-09-11T22:31:00.000-04:00

I just put two slices of Amnon's Pizza in the convection oven. I noticed when reading the directions that it said "place the desired amount of slices into the oven." Well duh!! What did they suppose we might do? Might we put too many slices in the oven, or forget to put the pizza in all together? Either we are really that stupid that we need such directions or they are really arrogant.

Beslin, Daruf, Croatia, Albania, when will it stop and how can we stop it?

2004-09-07T23:15:00.000-04:00

The unadulterated violence of recent history and in recent events tell of a chilling future for the world. More and more often the ugly face of terrorism, and barbaric murder for the sake of Religion or Nationalism rears itself. This is an ugly enemy that we as humanity need fight and eliminate. How do we fight this war, and to what extent do we fight it? Is it a Military struggle, a moral struggle, or both?It is a tragic and sad axiom that those who employ brutal means only understand brutal response. However, we know to be true that violence begets more violence in a viscous circle that engulfs all involved and leaves none clean of blood and blame. So again I ask, to what extent are we prepared to fight terrorism? If the Russian Army moves into Chechnya and cleans house of the so called "militants", then what would differ them from the Serbs that rampaged Albania, and Croatia? The Serbian Army entered Albania and Croatia to wipe out those who killed countless Serbs in the past. When does the violent cycle end? No one knows the answer to this terrifying question, but that the victor will come out of it with the face of it's enemy is a certainty. Tragically, in order to wipe out terrorism, we will have to employ the same tactics as the vile terrorist we seek to destroy. Are we prepared to do this? Are we ready to garb the mask of the brutal and inhumane to do a job that is nothing but brutal and inhumane. Sometimes, in order to destroy an evil, we must employ an evil of the same strength or stronger. Do we have it within us? I dare to say that if we do not, then we will not survive to see the end.

First Lieutenant Ronald

2004-09-07T21:38:00.000-04:00

Ronald Winchester, a Vice President of Corporate Real Estate in HSBC, lost his son last Thursday to a roadside bomb. Like many of the over one thousand US Soldiers that have died since the beginning of our aggression against Iraq he died bravely and with devotion to his country. First Lieutenant Ronald Winchester, grew up in a affluent suburb of Long Island. His father a bank executive could have sent him to the college of his choice. Instead he chose to dedicate his life to the Marine Corps. After spending one tour in Iraq Lt. Winchester chose to sign up for another tour. He could have gone home, and his honor of service would not have been any less. Yet, Lt. Winchester like any Marine chose to stick it through to the end. He went the extra mile for his country and is doing so made the ultimate sacrifice for G-d, Core, and Country. Semper Fi!!
Click for the Daily News article on his passing.

Audio Blog

2004-09-05T19:24:00.000-04:00

I have been thinking about audioblogging. Up to now I thought that it had to be a separate audioblog, but I recently saw that Mister Crunchy has two audio blogs on his site. If anyone can help me with how to set up an audio blog incorporated in my text blog I wold appreciate it greatly!!

Republican Convention over ... but Labor Day is a coming!

2004-09-05T11:47:00.000-04:00

Thank G-d the republican National Convention came and passed with little to talk about. Those that whine about the Police departments detaining protesters for more than 24 hours should consider the overall restraint shown by the Department. Prior to the convention it was predicted that there would be a thousand arrests a day. The overall arrests for the convention was some where around the number of fifteen hundred. Injuries to protesters and Police Officers where minimal. However the amount of money spent by the city, which you know who will pay in the end, was at a maximum. The amount of overtime paid to those staffing the detail I was in was enormous. If the protesters did not achieve anything else they managed to cause the city to overspend for the convention in the tens of thousands. Also the amount of national resources that were diverted to the convention that were unused was a big hit on the nation as those resources could have been better used elsewhere. The protesters talked a big game but in the end delivered very little.Now the city has the Labor day parade ahead of it. After two days of rest from the convention it has to deal with the largest ethnic parade in the city. Hopefully it will pass with as little to speak of as the RNC did.

Something wicked this way comes.

2004-08-27T16:58:00.000-04:00

The City of New York has quite a week ahead of it. The choice of venue for the upcoming Republican National Convention was an incredibly poor one. It could be understood why Herr Präsident Bush would want it here. Herr Präsident is making his keynote speech from ground zero and to inspire such emotional and nationalistic sentiment in the viewers would be good for him. Of course, no Republican would ever say that Herr Präsident Bush's exploiting the sacredness of Ground Zero is disgusting and demeaning to the very place he will speak. But it is! How anyone in their right mind knowing the amount of demonstrators the Convention will attract, added to the already serious security concerns inherent with NYC is beyond my comprehension. The stark and cold reality of it is that Herr Präsident Bush has chosen NYC for his own personal gain and to further his own personal agenda despite the danger that it places the citizens of NYC in. Herr Präsident Bush is not a person concerned with the people of this country, but rather his own political and financial interests. G-d help us in the coming days! May they start peacefully and end peacefully and the quicker the GOP is out of the city the better.

New translator.* Neuer Übersetzer * Nuovo traduttore * Nouveau traducteur *

2004-08-26T16:43:00.000-04:00

Some may remember I had a link to Altavista which was very cumbersome since you had to cut and paste my link into their site. Now I have a Java script where all you have to do is click on the flag representing the language you want the site translated into and it does it automatically, Cool eh? The code for the script was courtesy of OmbudGod!

Einige können sich erinnern, daß ich eine Verbindung zu Altavista hatte, das sehr lästig war, da Sie Schnitt und Paste meine Verbindung in ihren Aufstellungsort mußten. Jetzt habe ich einen Java Index, in dem aller, den Sie tun müssen, die Markierungsfahne an klicken soll, welche die Sprache darstellt, Sie den Aufstellungsort wünschen, der in übersetzt wird und er ihn automatisch, abkühlt wie tut? Der Code für den Index war Höflichkeit von OmbudGod!

Alcuni possono ricordarsi di che ho avuto un collegamento a Altavista che era molto ingombrante poiché avete dovuto taglio e colla il mio collegamento nel loro luogo. Ora ho uno scritto del Java in cui tutto che dobbiate fare deve scattare sopra la bandierina che rappresenta la lingua desiderate il luogo tradotto in e lo fa automaticamente, si raffredda eh? Il codice per lo scritto era la cortesia di OmbudGod!

Certains peuvent se rappeler que j'ai eu un lien à Altavista qui était très encombrant puisque vous avez dû découpage et déplacement mon lien dans leur emplacement. Maintenant j'ai un manuscrit de Java où tout que vous devez faire doit cliquer sur le drapeau représentant la langue vous voulez l'emplacement traduit en et il le fait automatiquement, se refroidissent hein ? Le code pour le manuscrit était courtoisie d'OmbudGod !

Protestors beware!!

2004-08-24T19:09:00.000-04:00

For those of you who plan on attending protest at the Republican National Convention heed the following message. This country neither denies you the right to protest nor vote. This is a democracy and protests is a legitimate form of expression. However, any Public Safety Administration needs to ensure the public's safety. Whenever there are gatherings of the size anticipated at these rallies there are serious safety and security issues that have to be dealt with. Because of these concerns, the PSA and the Government deems it necessary to determine where and when you are to demonstrate. This is not to quiet you. With the media coverage you will receive your message will be heard by everyone. Violence and mayhem is not a legitimate form of expression is any democracy. If you lived in a country where your civil rights were denied, then one could consider such actions appropriate. We do not live under such conditions and therefore violence, vandalism, and mayhem will not be tolerated at all. If you so much as congregate in an area not designated for protesters, then prepare be arrested. If you approach the Police with force you will be met with force. It is very simple.

More on Iraq.

2004-08-24T18:07:00.000-04:00

What would you do if your country was invaded, you cities severely damaged, you national resources stolen, and then to top it off the invading country grants reconstruction contracts to companies based in their own country? They tear your country to pieces and then pay their citizens to rebuild it. I bet you would be extremely mad. I bet you would even be mad enough to take to the streets and fight to your last breath. Well, Sadir is and that is what he is doing..

2004-08-23T19:42:00.000-04:00

In the New York edition of Metro J. Ostrowski writes an interesting piece on Muqtada al-Sadir that sheds interesting light on the Iraq problem. I, like most people in the United States, support the was on Terrorism. However, the war we are fighting in Iraq is an entirely different war. It is a war, as I have written before, about oil and money. The whole notion that we are in Iraq to free the Iraqi people and imbue them with democracy is a load of crap. In fact, as Ms. Ostrowski points out, we gave the Iraqis the power to choose a western style democracy and they replied: "no!". Every day we see hundreds of protesters against the interim government and the American occupation. Ostrowski writes, "Sadr is the epitome of that whole democracy thing. He represents the feelings of the majority of Iraqis - the Shiite Muslim who want the terrorist, murderous United States out of their country. Imagine! The United States has been practically standing on it's ear to get all those dense, backward Iraqis to understand democracy and it finally had their prayers answered in the form of Sadr." For the Shiite Muslims their voting ballot is the bullet and the vote they have casted is a strong one. Sadr fights for the independence of Iraq. They neither want nor need our assistance. They just want us out. Maybe it is time we just gave them back their country and left. Our troops can be better utilized elsewhere .... Afghanistan ... here perhaps?

Reverse Survival: an essay contest of epic proportions

2004-08-22T22:23:00.000-04:00

For those of you who have not seen this site, check out Mister Crunchy. Aside being extremely funny and a little over the edge he runs an essay contest whereby the loser, the last person left on the island, has to do some embarrassing task on his site. Do not worry it is usually harmless to the loser. If you think you got the writing skills then sign up for the next season. I threw my name in and might be writing in the next round. See you there!!

Home Brews

2004-08-20T16:20:00.000-04:00

The is a Canadian brother of mine that writes an interesting yet not prolific enough blog titled the Drunken Proletariat. One highlight of his blog is his wine making hobby. I suppose it is in the tradition of Canada from the Prohibition days to make your own brews. My Great Grandfather was believed to have had a hand in running Moonshine into the States form Ontario. He also leased a mine north east of Sudbury from the government. One Grandson of his became a General in the Canadian army. I digress. Luckily the tradition carries on despite America's coming to it's senses; well in regards to Prohibition at least. I look forward to many more posts from him, hint hint, in the future. Do check out his site and comment abundantly. Remember that comments drive writers to write more.
In College, many moons, ago I used to make Hard Cider. I would go to the local supermarket and but Apple Cider near it's expiration. I would pour out a couple of cups of it into a sauce pan and add brewing yeast. Then I would add sugar to the remaining cider and cracked grapes (seedless). After activating the yeast I would return it to the bottle. (Usually this process would entail loosing some of the cider as the sugar and grapes displaced mass.) Then I would place two holes in the cap, to act as a regulator, and I would wrap the base of the bottle with a towel to absorb the spillage. Depending on how close to the expiration date the cider was originally determined the amount of time it would take to ferment. If I recall correctly it would take at least a week and two if the cider was fresher. Perhaps I will start making it again. Perhaps I will experiment with other fruits.

What would we do if.....

2004-08-11T22:04:00.000-04:00

My wife and I saw Morgan Spurlock's "Super Size Me" this weekend. Check out his website and blog for info on the movie. It was great and I highly recomend you see it even if you have to travel a bit to get to a theater playing it.

The documentary inspired a hard question within me. What would we do as a country if there was a famine in North America? Could we survive? Could we, as a people who can't go a day fasting without significant discomfort, go a day or two or perhaps s a week without significant nourishment? Our bodies are not like they were one hundred years ago. On the average they are weaker, and more dependent on food. Seemingly, a famine would devastate our culture. One would hope that we would band together as a people and use our dwindling recourses wisely for the better of the people. Unfortunately, we would probably turn on each other, driven by our dire hunger and will to live, in order to get as much food as possible for ourselves and our families. Our Society would break down, and our justice system would lay in rubble. People would even, G-d forbid, resort to murder to get the food they need.

Why would this famine occur? It would occur because of our wasteful disregard for what we have now? We in America, and in extension all of Western Culture, live in abundance. We have an abundance of everything from food, to shelter, and electricity. Yet how much of it do we waste every year as other nations go without any of it. It may be a shocker ,but there are nations that do not have electricity or running water; two things we take for granted. The amount of waste we create in food alone would astonish you. According to a 1997 study by US Department of Agriculture's Economic Research Service, approximately 96 billion pounds of food, which is more than a quarter of the 356 billion pounds of edible food available for human consumption in the United States, was lost to wasted in 1995.
I do not make presumptions about the beliefs of those who read this blog, but if you believe in a G-d that metes out justice then we go one coming. G-d hand out justice measure for measure. Judging by our wasteful ways we have for what to worry about.

Immediate action needed!

2004-08-10T21:46:00.000-04:00

Check out this article in the Washington Post.

The situation in the Sudan is growing rapidly worse. If action is not taken immediately then thousands will die. The President of Nigeria is planning to send a peace keeping force under the auspices of the African Union. Email the Nigerian Embassy to tell them that action must be swift lest more lives be lost. Also check out this site for more information of the developing crisis.

Palestinian State a sham!

2004-08-09T21:26:00.000-04:00

I want to start out by apologizing if I ramble. I do not portend to be an academic in "Palestinian" culture or politics or Mid East Politics for that matter. None the less here I go with some random thoughts about the "Palestinian" issue.

Fist things fists. Where did they get this name Palestine. It originated from the Greek reference to the region as "the Philistine Syria". Latter on the Romans called the region "Provincia Syria Palaestina" which latter became Palestine. See this link for details. The very name the "Palestinians" call themselves is made up by another nation. The "Palestinian" claim of the land of Israel is a complete sham. Their own identity is fabricated.

It is a well know fact that Arab living in the newly formed Israel fled the country with the hopes of returning to a "Palestinian" nation free of Jews. Thank G-d that never happened and the result was a refugee problem. All the Arabs that fled Israel into neighboring Syria and Jordan soon found themselves with no where to go as their Arab brothers refused them a place. Suddenly, the "Palestinian" problem became an Israeli problem. Is it just me or do more people see the flaw in the logic. Israel should give up land to the very people who took up arms to destroy it. If someone tried to burn down your house, would you build him a guest house in the backyard? I think not. Let Jordan and Syria give up land for the "Palestinian" state. After all it is their war agiainst Israel that caused the whole problem.

Bada Bing Bada Boot!!

2004-08-09T20:51:00.000-04:00

Check out the links section. You will notice a few links that got the boot. The most significant of the three was the Michael Moore website. I did a little more research and saw that his views of Israel were so distorted that I could not possibly link to him. Further, I have seen that some of his domestic issues are not 100 percent.

Out with the old and in with the new. Notice the new link to Silent Running and please check it out.

Abuse - a national epidemic.

2004-08-08T22:35:00.000-04:00

I think everyone has know someone, whether they recognized the symptoms and signs or not, who has been in a abusive relationship. Abuse can be physical or emotional. Either way it is unacceptable in the minds of every person, yet a sense of privacy tends to block people from either recognizing it or doing anything about it. Those that tell themselves that it was none of their business to do anything is simply lying to themselves to make themselves feel better.

If you know someone who is being abused then do something about it. Consider, emotional abuse is one step away from physical abuse. Physical abuse is one step away from murder. Don't put yourself in the position where you could have done something to save the life of a friend who was in an abusive relationship. Act upon what you see even if you turn out to be wrong about it. It is better to be in the position of apologizing to the friend face to face for misreading what you saw than to look at his or her head stone and apologies for not doing anything about what you saw. This is all the more so if you know as a fact that they are being abused.

I know a friend, call him Mr. Stone. He had a friend, let's call her Mrs. Ravyn. Mrs. Ravyn was in a long term physically and emotionally abusive relationship. Mr. Stone became an acquaintance of Mrs. Ravyn and she confided in him of what was going on. Despite the obvious signals being sent out to him, he none the less failed to do anything about it. He spoke to her about leaving and offered in words his assistance in her leaving but at the days end the words were nothing but wind. He informed me that two weeks ago she died under somewhat suspicious circumstances. Was it suicide? Was it a reaction to a drug she was taking for the pain of the ribs that were broken by her husband just two weeks earlier? Was it a reaction to the drugs her "MD" uncle would prescribe and force onto her to keep quiet? Perhaps the truth will never be known by him, but what Mr. Stone does know is that his inaction allowed the abuse to continue, and despite efforts he has not come to the place of mind to forgive himself.

Don't let that be you.

Take action.

Deleted entry.

2004-08-08T18:50:00.000-04:00

Well I chose to delete the entry that consisted mainly of song lyrics. It served a purpose at the time, but since no one really knew what it was referring to it was as if I was blogging to myself. I determined that unless I am willing to air the issue which is ailing me it is best not to ramble about it. All the more so if I am using someone else's words.

Someday I may right about it but it is too painful right now.

Super Size me!!

2004-08-08T18:46:00.000-04:00

Well I saw super size me last night and rather enjoyed it. As well as being very informative it was funny as hell! Only stopped laughing to gasp at the shocking facts it displayed. We truly are killing ourselves, as a country, with our eating habits. It would seem that a more profitable strategy for Al Queda would be to open thousands of McDonald's all over the country and serve us the food as much as possible. I don't mean giving us food poison or placing chemicals in the food, but rather just feeding us the fat, and sugar that every McDonald's serves daily. After all, it's already killing Americans at an alarming rate second only to smoking. Analysts predict that it will supersede smoking as the number one cause of death in America.

It's so scary that it should make you think twice the next time you want to eat fast food. Don't fool yourself either and eat the "salad". The Salad has as much calories as one of their burgers. (I forgot which one.) Only a handful of McDonald's menu items have no sugar. Of them are the tea, sausage patty, French fries, etc. The salads are loaded with sugar.

So next time take a bag lunch, and skip the fast food. Your body will thank you for it.

Michael Moore

2004-08-02T17:07:00.000-04:00

I want to make very clear that although I agree with some of Michael Moore's political points, particularly when it comes to 9/11 and Pres. Bush, I DO NOT agree with his opinions on Israel.

With people it is not all or nothing. His beliefs in regard to the Israeli/Palestinian issue is typical of the American Left which is why I distance myself to some degree from them. I may in the future decide to only link to pages he has regarding Bush, but I am not there yet.

Comments.

2004-08-01T16:21:00.000-04:00

Well there are not enough. Please feel free to comment on any of the posts. I want to hear what you all have to say.

You can now post anonymously. It had not occurred to me until I went to post a comment that you could not post anonymously. Sorry.

Well the elections are approaching rapidly. It is time for me to hit google and do some hard core research on John Kerry. For SURE I am not making the mistake again of voting for Herr Bush.
Anybody that knows informative links should leave them in a comment.

On a side note the enemy was spotted by a house guest in the living room. The war wages on!

Apparent victory!!

2004-07-30T18:50:00.000-04:00

Unlike Mr. Bush it would appear that I am actually winning my war against the vile vermin!! Not a single mouse spotting in four or five days!!

I added a link to Michael Moore's website, who is in my eyes a true American Patriot; a man not afraid to challenge authority with valid thought provoking questions.

It is time this country truly emulated our Constitution's preamble.

We the people of the United States, in order to form a more perfect union, establish justice, insure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.

We the People. All the people. It's it time to get rid of the electoral college and adopt a true one person one vote system.

A person can win the popular vote yet lose the election in the electoral college. It has not occurred yet, but it is possible. That is a democracy to be proud of? That is a democracy befitting the leading democratic country? I think not.

People like Michael Moore are ushering in a new era in American Democracy. More will follow Moore.

War on Vermin.

2004-07-29T00:14:00.000-04:00

Well as George has his personal war so do I.

My war is one against the nasty little rodents that cohabitate my abode; and quite without welcome I must add.

The war has had some setbacks in recent weeks but this last week has shown much accomplishment as I bagged four of the nasty critters on spring traps. Which is odd since in the past I have not have had much luck with such devices. I was out of glue traps and I came upon these spring traps as I was looking for more glue traps. Not having any other option at the time, I set the spring traps with cheese. I thought that the logical choice since it was cheese that the critters ate of late. I had to throw out an entire tab stack of American slices. Grrrrrrrrrr! Within minutes of leaving the kitchen I heard the trap snap shut. Quickly I ran to the kitchen to find a rather large specimen of rodent filth with it's head crushed under the arm of the trap. Ahhh the glory of victory and, for the mouse, the agony of defeat. (Agony of defeat reminds me that I have to buy new odor eaters for my shoes. Now that's agony!!) I digress.

For a few days after I caught one mouse a night!! The last victim was last nights tiny little vermin. It seems that the mouse population in my abode is dwindling and the young are being forced to fend for themselves. Soon they will be no more!!!

Long live Humans!!

Death to all Mice!!

New Feature

2004-07-28T23:49:00.000-04:00

I added a link on the side bar for Alta vista - Babel Fish which allows you to translate the site into several languages. apparently one can even leave a comment in their own language. Let's see how it goes ... with my luck I'll get only comments in languages other than English.

Hours of translating fun!!!!!!!!!

For those fluent in other languages I would like you to try this out. Translate the site into one of the languages you are fluent in and tell me how well they translate it. I assume there will be some translation problems with expressions and figures of speech.

All for the OIL.

2004-07-27T22:48:00.000-04:00

Not surprised by the fact that we have not found any WMD's to date, I rapidly fall into the camp of those who realize that the whole Iraq war was a personal war on Bush's part to defend oil prices. This is not to say that the thought has not been in my mind until now. To make things worse it is clear that Bush's efforts to fight for the price of oil is not for the virtuous cause of providing at least semi-affordable oil and oil products to the American people. After all if he was worried about how much we paid for oil and other petro products he would have released some of our nation's national reserve into the market. That is exactly what he would not want to happen, since price would go down and his purse would hurt.

The war on terrorism is a front for Bush securing his family's vested interest in the oil market. Now they want to draft are children to join the fight?
The real reason Bush went to war.

Interesting reading

2004-07-27T22:39:00.000-04:00

The Bush administration came out with this Department of State report on Terrorism claiming it as proof of the accomplishments of our war on terrorism. They latter found out that a mass of data was left out. Shocker!!

Department of Defense Report

Thought provoking.

2004-07-27T19:00:00.000-04:00

Check this out! I am not sure I can say I agree with it 100 percent, but it is definately thought provoking. The general premiss it puts forward that our society has lost it's courage and it's will to question authority is for sure on the mark. http://www.doublestandards.org/lightweaver1.html

Blog title

2004-07-27T18:06:00.000-04:00

I have been thinking of changing the name of my blog from it's current "Post 911...."

The fist post and one or two other have been 911 related but not all have been on the topic. I am thinking of what would be good for a comprehensive title.

Any suggestions?

Anonymous or not anonymous that is the question.

2004-07-27T13:05:00.000-04:00

I have been thinking about this post for a day or two now, but is appears that Mochossid beat me to the punch.

Being still new to blogging I have been going back and forth over the issue of posting anonymous or not. One can go over advantages and disadvantages of being anonymous, but I want to take a different angle.

The internet has introduced a whole new arena of socialization and exploration to the world. Whether it is through posts or throughout chats a new social arena is emerging. Being in it's infantile stage still, social rules of conduct are slowly developing. Though they have grown a bit they are still quite underdeveloped. Many people take advantage of the inherent anonymity of the internet to do some really evil things. Others take advantage of it just to play around. However, what they do not often realize is that in their "play" there is another individual involved who often gets hurt in one way or another.

That all being said, if we take a look at those that are not anonymous in their post we are forced to ask the question are they genuine? If I want a anonymous blog all I need to do is post another persons picture and fabricate most if not all of my profile. So who is more anonymous the person who gives partial yet true details of him or her self or the person who fabricates a personae? You can never truly tell what is real and what is fake.

But what is real? Lol. A very philosophical question and a very over asked one. I saw the movie "Artificial intelligence" a year or two ago. Half way through the movie I thought I was watching "Blade Runner" but I digress. The end was perhaps the only worthwhile segment of the movie. Sorry to those who have not seen it yet. The movie ends when the android boy is frozen in ice beneath the waters covering Manhattan in their time period. An alien race who seem to be anthropologists of sorts visit Earth and find the android as they unconver Manhattan. With some sort of mindreading ability they scan his memory and find memories of his "parents". Circumstances of the movie have it that he has a lock of his "Mother's" hair and from that hair the aliens recreate his "Mother". The downside to is was that the reproduction only survives for a day. As the two interacted a question struck me. Which of them was real? The boy although an android was an original. The "Mother" on the other hand was not the original even though she walked, talked, thought, laughed, and cried just like the original "Mother". This begs the bigger question which is "what is real and what is artificial?". If a person lives a personae within a set world such as the internet and carries it through is that not real? It is real to that person at the very least. When a person has multiple personalities and he or she is "in" one of their personaes is that not very real. Multiple personalities for the most part are caused by some trauma that the person experienced. The new personality is a coping mechanism or defense mechanism for that person. While that person is in a alternate personality the experiece is very real for them. That is for them ,at that moment, their reality.

The personaes on the internet which are fantasy personaes are not for the most part caused by a trauma in the person's life but inspired by dreams, wishes, and fantasies of the person. Though the cause of the separate personality is different the end result is the same to a degree. The person develops a separate personality within the realm of the internet. Can we say that it is artificial? Must we concede that is real to some degree?

It is not an easy question to answer. I would like input on this subject. Post a comment and tell me what you think.

Ninth of Av

2004-07-27T10:12:00.000-04:00

Well it's the ninth of Av. The wife is at work and I'm home with both kids. It's the first time alone with both of them. Wish me luck! Lol. It should be fine. Other than the no eating part it should go well. For those not familiar with the Ninth of Av or Tisha B'Av check out this link at the Orthodox Union http://www.ou.org/yerushalayim/tishabav/.

My daughter came home from playgroup with paper shoes for Tisha B'Av. Sooooo cute! She wanted to put them on this morning. Then she wanted me to wear them.

I started a link and Blog section. More links and blogs will appear over time. You all will have to be patient since I am not familiar with this html thing. Lucky for me my wife is and she is helping alot. (Bet you can't guess who she is.) Lol

My thoughts wander towards breakfast then I remind myself no not today. So instead I pick up a tehilim. (Psalms).

Hindsight is important.

2004-07-26T17:23:00.000-04:00

Of all the things people speak about in regards to 9/11 rarely, at least in the press I read, do people speak about the global political climate that lead up to that terrible day. Do not misinterpret me. I am not going to go into a lecture of how America caused 9/11 through it's chosen global political stance. I would never do that. However, we have over the years chosen bed fellows with whom we have shared common enemies that have turned into enemies of our own.
As much as it is hard to blame previous administrations for making these decisions, one none the less wonders if we become blinded by our anti Soviet mission in the world. If was that very mission that initially got us involved with Castro. If was also that very mission that motivated us to fund and train the very people who are killing our soldiers in Iraq. Who do you think funded and trained Osama Bin Laden to fight the Soviet army in Afghanistan? The CIA. It was the CIA backed Mujahedeen that pushed the Soviets out of Afghanistan. A good friend of mine served in the mountains north of Pakistan in the Soviet army. Of his entire unit less than a dozen came home. I digress.
Where we wrong in supporting the Mujahedeen? Can we admit that perhaps supporting the Soviet incursion into Afghanistan would have been a better choice? It would have created stability in the region and a possible common goal between the Soviet Union and United States fostering a climate of cooperation. It also would have prevented the political vacuum that was left behind when the Soviets left. That political vacuum allowed the Taliban to step into power. The Taliban supported and gave haven to Al Queda which was a continuation of the Mujahedeen. That base of power allowed Bin Laded to organize and implement terror world wide. Now we fight the beast we created. How many more will we create before we wake up?
It's sad how our poor choices come around and bite us in the a-s.

Respect

2004-07-25T21:55:00.000-04:00

I went to the local park with my kids and wife today. On the way we stopped by a local supermarket to get some drinks and fruit. Apparantely at one point my stroller was blocking someone from entering the store. In order to get my attention someone yelled "Hey Jew Man" to me. Interesting upgrade from "Jew Boy". Lol. Do I deserve any less respect from this individial than he would from me? If I had called him the "N" word or called he "Collered Man" or something of that nature I would be ripped to shreds. Frankly, I would deserve it.
In general a person can not respect others until he or she respects themself. As we see Afreican American refer eachother using the "N" word. This principle applies to groups as well as individuals.

An old dog can learn new tricks.

2004-07-21T19:28:00.000-04:00

Well I'm not that old, but I am going back to school for my Physician's Assistant degree. Went to the admissions office today and had to write a on the spot essay on a topic of my choice. Well, my choice of three topics. I wrote on freedom of speech. The essay topic posed the question whether two radical activists should be able to express their opinions in public.

In short I said that they should have the right to express their opinions, but they should exercise more prudence in how they express their opinion. I spoke about the resposibility that comes with the right of free speech and expression. I also laid out fundamental areas where freedom of expression and speech was justifiably curbed. I gave examples like screaming fire crowded theater, liable and slander, and sedition. The first two are fairly self explanatory. The third is, please correct me if I am wrong, a form of treason. Eugene V. Debs was jailed for sedition when he spoke out against WWI. I noted that if Michael More lived during those times he might have been a cell mate of Debs. I am not implying that he should be jailed at all. I have not seen either of his movies so I can not comment on the content of what he has to say, but remember freedom of speech is one of the things our troops are over in Iraq defending. Sorry I digressed.

Laying out those areas where freedom of expression and speech are justifiably curbed, I went into a brief discussion on how our society has lost touch with the resposiblility involved in free speech and expression. Our society has developed a anything goes attitude towards expression in public. Just look at the "Pop" culture of the day and it's often but not always crude and vulgar nature. Madonna, who has not the first clue about real Kabbalah, wearing Teffilin in a concert is an example of irresponsible expression. The "Express yourself" lady needs to understand what she is expressing before she does so. That is where resposiblility comes into play when it comes to free speech.

I also countered that by noting elements of society attempting to correct such trends and cited the FCC's case against Howard Stern. It is a shame that such efforts are too few and too weak to be effective.

wrapping it all up I said that no one should loose their right to free expression and speech. However, I recognize that there are certain individuals and groups who grossly misuse this freedom. None the less, is censuring such individuals or groups the answer? I suggest that is nothing more than a band aid on a severe wound. The problem that needs to be addressed is the climate of irresponsibility that breeds such individuals and groups.

After all if one person is censored then anyone can be. 1940's Germany anyone? Not for me!!

So................

2004-07-19T21:57:00.000-04:00

We captured Saddam Hussein.

We occupied Iraq creating a virtual shooting gallery for any willing Al Queda who wants to travel.

We have not captured Osama .... The guy actually behind 911. It seems like we forgot him.

Interesting how we gave him so much lead time before we invaded Afghanistan. Virtually held open the back door for him.

Interesting facts.

We sent in less troops into Afghanistan then there are Police Officers in NYC. Surprised we never caught Osama? I'm not

But to Iraq we sent an invasion force and we are considering drafting more to send over.

Hey GI Joe find any WMDs?   No?             Shocker!!!

and there is no surprise that they are talking about delaying the November elections if a new terrorist attack occurs.

Well exercise your vote this November. It's the only way to make things right.

Words (blogs) are cheap.

Act!   Vote!

Crunchy Water

2004-07-19T21:14:00.000-04:00

It is amazing that anyone is actually taking this issue seriously. For example, the note on the Kosher Delight in Boro Park advertising their installation of water filters!!! It is sad that there are that many people that would want them to have it that they spent so much money for filters. After all the halachic issue is very simple. One, the critters are microscopic and thereby do not fall into the category of t'olaim. secondly, t'olaim need to actually crawl on the earth. A worm that is born in a fish or matures in a fish is not considered treif. Same with our little crustaceans.

Some people just need to get a life!! Does your water taste crunchy?

2004-07-19T19:56:00.000-04:00

It seems that since 911 many has been done to prevent terrorist attacks. However, it remains to be seen if anything has actually been accomplished. There have been reports of averted terrorist attacks but no reports are specific in any way. It is like telling the back the check is in the mail. Well we want to see the check already!! What proof does the government have that anything they have done has had any affect.

The classic example is the NYPD posts at the entrances of the subway tunnels. What exactly does the NYPD brass expect this to prevent? Any terrorist with half a brain would not walk into the tunnel to attack a train. Rather they would strap explosives to their body, and walk into the center car of any packed Manhattan bound subway. Once the subway is under the east river they would set off the explosive sending a shot gun like blast in both directions that would leave the train a heap of scrap metal. For such a result a relatively small amount of explosives would be needed. Of course, they would not enter the train in a high profile station like Grand Central or Penn Station (34th street) but rather they would enter at a very low profile and barely guarded station like New Lots or Flatbush avenue. Any bomb sniffing dogs at those stations? Any National Guardsmen seen there? I think not.